Monday, September 27, 2010


I knew this day would come I just didn't expect it to be this soon.

After Jackson was born he immediately had some problems from the beginning. His entire first year there was so much going on. In and out of the hospital we didn't really know where things where going. After he turned one and closer to 2 we knew that his life would be different and he was not simply going to "grow out of" the things he was going through. I knew that having another child would be difficult but I felt very strongly that Jackson needed a sibling. He needed that relationship. He needed someone to be there for him in ways that I wouldn't be able to. That was one of the many reasons why we had Noah. Ever since Noah was born I've felt a very different relationship with him compared to Jackson. Noah and adores his big brother. Wants to do everything his big brother does. Jackson loves his little brother. (most of the time,except when he's stealing trains). They have a very special bond and its very clear to see it. I knew there would come a day that Noah would pass Jackson up and in a way become the big brother. I figured it would be a few more years and Noah would cognitively pass him. But in a way in happened today. This afternoon we went for a short walk up the street. We don't go for walks very often because Jackson fatigues so quickly he can't walk very far before needing to be carried. Between the 2 of them I can't carry both of them. Today they both where running around outside enjoying the fall crisp air we decided to walk for a little bit. Jackson running as fast as his tall 4 year legs would carry him and Noah running as fast as his little 20 month legs would carry him we all ran up the street. Most of the way of the street the where side by side, giggling the entire way up. Best friends. But as we got closer to the top Noah was still going and Jackson was slowing. I could see the pain and frustration in Jackson's eyes. His little body failing him. How desperately he wanted to run more, to get to the top of the hill, to be with his best friend. But he couldn't. His body giving out and not allowing him what his little heart longed for. Within seconds of passing Jackson Noah realized he was passed his brother and turned towards him. He slowed down and waited for his brother. For the last few feet to top of the hill the walked together. Jackson collapsing at the top and crying to be carried home. Noah wanting to run and play more. It had happened. At 20 months old Noah can do more then his brother physically, can fun faster, can go farther. At 4 Jackson realized this today. It hurt him. But his brother was there. He waited for him and they where best friends walking to the end. Just how imagined it when Noah was born. It was bittersweet to see Noah running faster then his little legs could carry him but also passing his brother was heart wrenching. I know there will come more and more times where Noah will pass Jackson. This will be the first of many. I just hope and pray that they will be always be there for each other like they where today. Finishing hand in hand as a best friends.


  1. That image of them finishing hand in hand as best friends has me all teary-eyed. What sweet, sweet boys you have, Amarisa.

  2. oh, risa. i'm so sorry. i'm glad, however, that noah realized that his brother had fallen behind, and he waited for him to catch up.