My beautiful Heartbreak
I’ve been thinking about this song all week. Its definitely my theme song right now. Here are the lyrics to the song Beautiful Heartbreak by Hilary weeks (a link to the songs music video is at the bottom, its wonderful so if you have a minute, watch it!)
I had it all mapped out in front of me,
Knew just where I wanted to go;
But life decided to change my plans,
And I found a mountain in the middle of my road.
I knew there was no way over it,
So I searched for a way around;
Brokenhearted I started climbin',
And at the top I found...
Every fear, every doubt,
All the pain I went through;
Was the price that I paid to see this view;
And now that I'm here I would never trade...
The grace that I feel,
And the faith that I find;
Through the bitter-sweet tears,
And the sleepless nights;
I used to pray he'd take it all away,
But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak.
I never dreamed my heart would make it,
I thought about turning around;
But heaven has shown me miracles,
I never would have seen from the ground.
Now I take the rain with the sunshine,
Cause there's one thing that I know;
He picks up the pieces,
Along each broken road.
Every fear, every doubt,
All the pain I went through;
Was the price that I paid to see this view;
And now that I'm here I would never trade...
The grace that I feel,
And the faith that I find;
Through the bitter-sweet tears,
And the sleepless nights.
I used to pray he'd take it all away,
But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak.
I would never trade...
The grace that I feel,
And the faith that I find;
Through the bitter-sweet tears,
And the sleepless nights.
I used to pray he'd take it all away,
But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak.
I never really thought I would be were I am now. I never expected “this” to be my mountain to climb. Here I am. A single mother to 3 beautiful sweet boys. The oldest being special needs and has a progressive disease. The other 2 having their own unique needs and health issues as well. Life right now is definitely a rollercoaster. Filled with the chaos that comes with my kids. I’ve been on this journey now for awhile. Realizing this is my beautiful heartbreak. Life will always be hard, stressful and crazy. But, it will be amazing! There will be joy! Learning to dance in the rain. This song is exactly how I feel. I would never trade the feelings I have now. I have truly found the greatest joy being the mother to my sweet boys. I want them to be able to look back and know that they where the most important things and I never gave up. Even when things where hard. Even when I felt alone and felt the weight of the world on my shoulders, I never gave up. I want my children to know that God loves us. He has blessed me with the strength to be their mom. He trusts me. He trusts me to be everything they need me to be. He knows that I can. Now I just have to believe I can. I’m trying to focus on just enjoy the precious time I have with my children. I know that there will be more tears. I know many more sleepless nights spent in hospital rooms I will have. But I know He will be there for me. He will be there to pick up the pieces and lift me up. There will be pain. But I know that will make the joy and the miracles so much sweeter. I know I will have days I will slide down the mountain and not be able to see this. It will feel too much and I won’t remember I have the strength to carry on. I just pray I can remember the joy will come again. I’ll be listening to this song during our lengthy hospital stay next week to keep me going.This is my beautiful heartbreak.
The video of the song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xyX-I-um5Kk
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Mitochondrial disease awareness week
Mitochondrial disease awareness week was a couple weeks ago. I wanted to have this video of Jackson done before then but it just didn't happen. but its ready now and I wanted to share the video here. Please take a few minutes to watch this video about Jackson.
http://www.onetruemedia.com/shared?p=f6228c4f65364f1df9528c&skin_id=1602&utm_source=otm&utm_medium=text_url
http://www.onetruemedia.com/shared?p=f6228c4f65364f1df9528c&skin_id=1602&utm_source=otm&utm_medium=text_url
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Noah turns 2!
I'm a little behind on things but I really want to get the blog caught back up. Noah turned 2 the end of January. He's such a little cutie wearing this adorable birthday shirt with a football on it. Footballs are by far his most favorite thing in the world to play with. He calls them buh balls. We have one of those rope buckets that has all of the balls in it and its completely full of different balls but several footballs Noah has collected. We took the boys out to eat on his birthday. They loved it! The next weekend we had a little family party for him with cousins and stuff.
More about sweet little Noah. He is a very active little boy. Climbing, running, and jumping everywhere. You can tell he has such a natural athletic ability. He can throw balls with aim, kick a soccer ball everywhere. He loves to wrestle and can pull Jackson down,who's double his weight, and roll him over to pin him. He LOVES balls and has long as he has one he's happy no matter what we're doing. He adores his big brother and wants to be doing everything he does. He anxiously waits by the door every day for Jackson to come home from school and screams with joy when he sees the bus. He loves to snuggle, give hugs and kisses.
Noah's oral motor skills are improving. He no longer needs his liquids thickened and he's finally not coughing when he drinks something. He's eating and chewing a lot more. He's even had 2 new foods this week and loved them! We have an appointment next week for his 2 year check up and to check his weight. We'll find out how he's doing weight wise. I don't think he's continuing to loose weight but he's not gaining much either. His talking is also improving and he has lots of words now. Most of them are pretty cute to hear him say them and some of them I'm the only one who can understand. He's even had a few phrases so overall he's doing really good. He's still getting OT and speech every week and he's doing better when they come over.
His "cheese" face
Blowing out the candle on his cake!
I wanted to make him his birthday cake and improve on last years cake but my health just wasn't up to it. But I did bake this chocolate cake from scratch.
The boys after the party. Noah loved his brother Jackson's lightning mcqueen blanket so he got one of his for his birthday.
He also got some farm animals and a new ball.
Here are some cute pictures of the 2 year old who loves to dress himself.
Here are some cute pictures of the 2 year old who loves to dress himself.
More about sweet little Noah. He is a very active little boy. Climbing, running, and jumping everywhere. You can tell he has such a natural athletic ability. He can throw balls with aim, kick a soccer ball everywhere. He loves to wrestle and can pull Jackson down,who's double his weight, and roll him over to pin him. He LOVES balls and has long as he has one he's happy no matter what we're doing. He adores his big brother and wants to be doing everything he does. He anxiously waits by the door every day for Jackson to come home from school and screams with joy when he sees the bus. He loves to snuggle, give hugs and kisses.Noah's oral motor skills are improving. He no longer needs his liquids thickened and he's finally not coughing when he drinks something. He's eating and chewing a lot more. He's even had 2 new foods this week and loved them! We have an appointment next week for his 2 year check up and to check his weight. We'll find out how he's doing weight wise. I don't think he's continuing to loose weight but he's not gaining much either. His talking is also improving and he has lots of words now. Most of them are pretty cute to hear him say them and some of them I'm the only one who can understand. He's even had a few phrases so overall he's doing really good. He's still getting OT and speech every week and he's doing better when they come over.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Snow on spring break
Jackson is on spring break this week from school. The first day we got about 4 inches of snow. What a way to start off his break. Hoping for nicer weather the rest of the week. But I thought I would share some pictures of the boys playing in the snow this past month. We had some great snowfalls and the boys loved playing outside. We didn't get out as much as they would of liked because of my health and Jackson's temp issues. But we had a lot of fun!
Making snow angels
Jackson had his own little shovel and helped us shovel the driveway!
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Jackson's new chair
Yesterday we went and picked up Jackson's convaid cruiser. Which is a adaptive stroller/wheelchair. Jackson immediately got in and said he loved it!! It looks so comfy and I know its going to be such a big help. It's been a big process in getting it so its a huge relief to have it now. A little over a year ago we started looking into getting one of these for Jackson. We knew there was a process and would take some time to get. At the time Jackson was 3.5 years old and was having a lot problems walking and fatigue. With the way he was growing we need we didn't have much longer in any regular strollers. We talked to his doctors and they all agreed he would need one. We first got the referral to see the right physical therapist. She wanted to have several visits with him to see what his needs,strengths and weaknesses where. After a few months of seeing her she sent her recommendation to the seating clinic and we got an appointment there. That was a couple months wait. During that appointment we went over everything and the different options there where. Jackson got to pick out the color of his chair and out of the 5 colors he picked blue. Jackson has 2 different insurance companies so we submitted to the primary first and they completely denied it(this is very typical, I've even heard of children that can't walk at all being denied wheelchairs, its sad). After waiting for them to say it was denied we then submitted to secondary. We heard back from them and they approved it but we had to a good amount of out of pocket expense. After the insurance came through and we paid our portion they where able to order the parts and have it made. After a year of requesting his chair they called on monday to say it was in and we could pick it up this week. I was thrilled!
For those wondering why Jackson needs a wheelchair I'll explain a little. Jackson has low muscle tone and its much harder for him to do things requiring his muscles. He also has a lot of fatigue and very quickly wears out. He can walk and some days more then others. On days he's weaker he can't walk farther 20 yards before falling and needing to be carried. He also has other issues like a lot of pain and other various medical problems that having the chair can help. Now at almost 5 there is no way he can fit in a regular stroller at all and wouldn't support him very well in areas where is muscle tone is affected more. Since he has a mitochondrial disease,which is a progressive disease, he will continue to have problems with increasing fatigue and muscle weakness. As he gets older he maybe able to walk more but his tone and fatigue will not improve and most likely get worse. This chair has a lot of growth room in it and hoping it will last him about 5 years. That will be about when he's 8 or 9 that we would have to start looking where he's at then and seeing if he will need a bigger one or not.
This chair will be such a great help to us and him. Since he can't walk very far he gets carried a lot. He's a solid built boy weighing in at 48 lbs. Thats a lot to be carrying around every where. Also when we go anywhere like stores and such he has to be in the cart. Its difficult for him because its very uncomfortable for him and does not support him at all. He's really big to riding in the grocery cart. Plus its hard for me to lift him in and out of it. Then with 2 kids in the cart there's no room for groceries and such. Jackson will be able to do a lot more, go a lot more places, and will be a lot better with less fatigue and pain. He'll also be able to take this to school and hopefully he'll do better and last longer at school. He'll feel a lot better being in something that is supportive of him properly.
I only have one concern now that we have this. Any time we go out Jackson will need to be in his chair. I'll have to other children as well. The new baby I'll most likely carry in a wrap, sling or baby carrier. Then I'll have Noah who's 2, very active, and likes to run around. I'm not sure what to do with him. I fear if he's walking next to us that he'll run off and I'll have a hard time catching him running with a baby and pushing a wheelchair. As he gets older this won't be as much of an issue because he'll understand more. But at 2 I can't expect him to never walk off. Hopefully we'll figure out something.
Jackson's chair from the side with his tray on.
Jackson in his chair with the shade on it
For those wondering why Jackson needs a wheelchair I'll explain a little. Jackson has low muscle tone and its much harder for him to do things requiring his muscles. He also has a lot of fatigue and very quickly wears out. He can walk and some days more then others. On days he's weaker he can't walk farther 20 yards before falling and needing to be carried. He also has other issues like a lot of pain and other various medical problems that having the chair can help. Now at almost 5 there is no way he can fit in a regular stroller at all and wouldn't support him very well in areas where is muscle tone is affected more. Since he has a mitochondrial disease,which is a progressive disease, he will continue to have problems with increasing fatigue and muscle weakness. As he gets older he maybe able to walk more but his tone and fatigue will not improve and most likely get worse. This chair has a lot of growth room in it and hoping it will last him about 5 years. That will be about when he's 8 or 9 that we would have to start looking where he's at then and seeing if he will need a bigger one or not.
This chair will be such a great help to us and him. Since he can't walk very far he gets carried a lot. He's a solid built boy weighing in at 48 lbs. Thats a lot to be carrying around every where. Also when we go anywhere like stores and such he has to be in the cart. Its difficult for him because its very uncomfortable for him and does not support him at all. He's really big to riding in the grocery cart. Plus its hard for me to lift him in and out of it. Then with 2 kids in the cart there's no room for groceries and such. Jackson will be able to do a lot more, go a lot more places, and will be a lot better with less fatigue and pain. He'll also be able to take this to school and hopefully he'll do better and last longer at school. He'll feel a lot better being in something that is supportive of him properly.
I only have one concern now that we have this. Any time we go out Jackson will need to be in his chair. I'll have to other children as well. The new baby I'll most likely carry in a wrap, sling or baby carrier. Then I'll have Noah who's 2, very active, and likes to run around. I'm not sure what to do with him. I fear if he's walking next to us that he'll run off and I'll have a hard time catching him running with a baby and pushing a wheelchair. As he gets older this won't be as much of an issue because he'll understand more. But at 2 I can't expect him to never walk off. Hopefully we'll figure out something.
Jackson's chair from the side with his tray on.
Jackson in his chair with the shade on it
Monday, January 24, 2011
24 weeks baby
I'm now 24 weeks pregnant. That means the baby is now viable and has a chance of survival(about 50%) if he where to come now. It feels really good to get to this point. After loosing 2 pregnancies before and the scare we had last week I feel better this week. Now we just need to come up with a name for this little guy. Michael and I can't agree on anything. He has a couple of names that he likes that I don't. I have a huge list of names that I like,none that I love, and he hates all of them.
I've had a pretty rough time this pregnancy. I've developed an autonomic dysfunction causing me to have pretty severe tachycardia(really fast heartrate). Since my heart is racing all of the time it puts stress on my body. I saw a cardioligist just before Christmas and he said the way your body feels is like being in congestive heart failure.(I'm not in heart failure its just the way my body feels). We've been having a hard time finding a treatment for this and one that we can do while I'm pregnant. Not much luck so far. We've just been having to deal with me feeling horrible most of the time. Thats why I haven't blogged at all lately.
Last week we had a little bit of scare. I was getting Noah up from his nap and I was standing at the top of the stairs. I don't remember what happened next but the next thing I know is I'm almost all the way down an entire flight of stairs. I grabbed the railing but we where at the bottom already. Noah was fine and held my neck the entire time. I think he was mostly scare and cried for a few minutes but then got up and started playing. Thankfully he was fine. I was unable to move at first then got up and realized how much pain I was in. I called my midwife and she sent me to labor/delivery. They put me on the monitor and I was having some contractions. They weren't constant but I was having quite a few. After they checked out the baby for awhile and made sure the baby was doing ok they sent me down to the ER to get checked out. My tailbone was broken but not much they could do for that. There was some questions if had broken my neck and so I had to have some xrays of my neck and shoulder. Nothing else was broken just bruised,cut and sprained all over. They where able to do some incredible blood tests to make sure the baby was doing ok. All of the test came back really good. The baby was doing fine. But I was still having contractions so they sent me back upstairs to labor/delivery to be monitored. I had to go 6 hours without having contractions before I could go home. Thankfully during the night around 2 they stopped and I was able to go the next morning. I'm feeling better now just have the broken tail bone which makes things difficult when trying to play or take care of the kids. The next day I went back to meet with my midwife and to recheck the baby to make sure everything was still fine. I'm really glad I went with the midwife I did. I'm still getting care from and midwife who's trying to help me have a natural pregnancy/delivery but she is also in a group that is at the hospital that has and OB over them that was giving the medical orders while I was in the hospital. I knew the OB that was treating me and she knew my history and wants for my pregnancy. Hopefully things will get better from here. No more going up and down the stairs for me especially while carrying Noah. Its been a week and he's starting to get used scooting down the stairs with me instead of me picking him up.
I've had a pretty rough time this pregnancy. I've developed an autonomic dysfunction causing me to have pretty severe tachycardia(really fast heartrate). Since my heart is racing all of the time it puts stress on my body. I saw a cardioligist just before Christmas and he said the way your body feels is like being in congestive heart failure.(I'm not in heart failure its just the way my body feels). We've been having a hard time finding a treatment for this and one that we can do while I'm pregnant. Not much luck so far. We've just been having to deal with me feeling horrible most of the time. Thats why I haven't blogged at all lately.
Last week we had a little bit of scare. I was getting Noah up from his nap and I was standing at the top of the stairs. I don't remember what happened next but the next thing I know is I'm almost all the way down an entire flight of stairs. I grabbed the railing but we where at the bottom already. Noah was fine and held my neck the entire time. I think he was mostly scare and cried for a few minutes but then got up and started playing. Thankfully he was fine. I was unable to move at first then got up and realized how much pain I was in. I called my midwife and she sent me to labor/delivery. They put me on the monitor and I was having some contractions. They weren't constant but I was having quite a few. After they checked out the baby for awhile and made sure the baby was doing ok they sent me down to the ER to get checked out. My tailbone was broken but not much they could do for that. There was some questions if had broken my neck and so I had to have some xrays of my neck and shoulder. Nothing else was broken just bruised,cut and sprained all over. They where able to do some incredible blood tests to make sure the baby was doing ok. All of the test came back really good. The baby was doing fine. But I was still having contractions so they sent me back upstairs to labor/delivery to be monitored. I had to go 6 hours without having contractions before I could go home. Thankfully during the night around 2 they stopped and I was able to go the next morning. I'm feeling better now just have the broken tail bone which makes things difficult when trying to play or take care of the kids. The next day I went back to meet with my midwife and to recheck the baby to make sure everything was still fine. I'm really glad I went with the midwife I did. I'm still getting care from and midwife who's trying to help me have a natural pregnancy/delivery but she is also in a group that is at the hospital that has and OB over them that was giving the medical orders while I was in the hospital. I knew the OB that was treating me and she knew my history and wants for my pregnancy. Hopefully things will get better from here. No more going up and down the stairs for me especially while carrying Noah. Its been a week and he's starting to get used scooting down the stairs with me instead of me picking him up.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Mito
Jackson's been having a lot of health issues lately and we've been seeing some new doctors as well. I wanted to update family and friends on how he's doing but it's difficult when most don't understand whats going on. Also some people have been asking questions about what exactly is going on with Jackson and why things are the way they are, so I wanted to explain a little bit about what it is Jackson is dealing with.
Ever since Jackson was born he's had a variety of symptoms, seen countless doctors, had lots of tests and procedures. His current main diagnosis is mitochondrial disease. Mito is a difficult thing to diagnose and, for many people, requires many tests over long period of time to find out for certain if they have it. A lot of doctors say that it's "as clear as mud" in trying to figure things out. For Jackson we are still in the process of finding the exact cause, so he has a "clinical" mito diagnosis. We haven't found the exact genetic mutation, but the doctors feel Jackson meets the clinical picture, and many tests point to mito being what he has. Because of the nature of this disease we are treating him as if we know for sure he has it.
I wanted to explain a little bit about what mitochondrial disease is.
What is Mitochondrial Disease
Mitochondrial diseases result from failures of the mitochondria, specialized compartments present in every cell of the body except red blood cells. Mitochondria are responsible for creating more than 90% of the energy needed by the body to sustain life and support growth. When they fail, less and less energy is generated within the cell. Cell injury and even cell death follow. If this process is repeated throughout the body, whole systems begin to fail, and the life of the person in whom this is happening is severely compromised. The disease primarily affects children, but adult onset is becoming more and more common.
Diseases of the mitochondria appear to cause the most damage to cells of the brain, heart, liver, skeletal muscles, kidney and the endocrine and respiratory systems.
Depending on which cells are affected, symptoms may include loss of motor control, muscle weakness and pain, gastro-intestinal disorders and swallowing difficulties, poor growth, cardiac disease, liver disease, diabetes, respiratory complications, seizures, visual/hearing problems, lactic acidosis, developmental delays and susceptibility to infection
Prognosis
As more research dollars are raised to find more effective treatments and ultimately a cure, some of the affected children and adults are living fairly normal lives with mitochondrial disease. At the opposite end of the spectrum, many are severely affected, and some children do not live past their teenage years.
When are they at greatest risk?
The child or adult is at risk for neurological or organ damage during and for the two weeks following an illness. Therefore even a simple flu or cold virus can have devastating effects on the patient, even death. Any illness must be treated immediately with medical interventions, like IV fluids and IV antibiotics.
You can find out more about mito on the website umdf.org
There is no cure for mitochondrial disease. The only treatments are treating symptoms that can be managed and taking the "mito cocktail". The cocktail is group of supplements that help the body improve function and may slow the progression of the disease. Jackson has recently started taking some of the supplements and we've some great improvements.
Some of the symptoms that Jackson deals with that are common in mito:
Developmental delays, autistic features, dysautonomia(temperature,blood pressure and blood sugars mostly), seizures, Weakness, cramping, dysmotility, hypotonia, muscle pain, diarrhea/constipation, fatigue, cyclic vomiting syndrome and other various symptoms.
Jackson is getting a stroller/wheelchair very soon. This is very common for children that have mito. It's mostly because of how quickly he fatigues and gets weak. Its also for his pain. Jackson's fatigue varies day to day. Some days he's able to walk and play then there's days that he needs help walking more then 10 yards. The stroller will allow him to do more on the days he's to weak to walk and also on the days that aren't too bad preserve his energy for more important things.
Ever since Jackson was born he's had a variety of symptoms, seen countless doctors, had lots of tests and procedures. His current main diagnosis is mitochondrial disease. Mito is a difficult thing to diagnose and, for many people, requires many tests over long period of time to find out for certain if they have it. A lot of doctors say that it's "as clear as mud" in trying to figure things out. For Jackson we are still in the process of finding the exact cause, so he has a "clinical" mito diagnosis. We haven't found the exact genetic mutation, but the doctors feel Jackson meets the clinical picture, and many tests point to mito being what he has. Because of the nature of this disease we are treating him as if we know for sure he has it.
I wanted to explain a little bit about what mitochondrial disease is.
What is Mitochondrial Disease
Mitochondrial diseases result from failures of the mitochondria, specialized compartments present in every cell of the body except red blood cells. Mitochondria are responsible for creating more than 90% of the energy needed by the body to sustain life and support growth. When they fail, less and less energy is generated within the cell. Cell injury and even cell death follow. If this process is repeated throughout the body, whole systems begin to fail, and the life of the person in whom this is happening is severely compromised. The disease primarily affects children, but adult onset is becoming more and more common.
Diseases of the mitochondria appear to cause the most damage to cells of the brain, heart, liver, skeletal muscles, kidney and the endocrine and respiratory systems.
Depending on which cells are affected, symptoms may include loss of motor control, muscle weakness and pain, gastro-intestinal disorders and swallowing difficulties, poor growth, cardiac disease, liver disease, diabetes, respiratory complications, seizures, visual/hearing problems, lactic acidosis, developmental delays and susceptibility to infection
Prognosis
As more research dollars are raised to find more effective treatments and ultimately a cure, some of the affected children and adults are living fairly normal lives with mitochondrial disease. At the opposite end of the spectrum, many are severely affected, and some children do not live past their teenage years.
When are they at greatest risk?
The child or adult is at risk for neurological or organ damage during and for the two weeks following an illness. Therefore even a simple flu or cold virus can have devastating effects on the patient, even death. Any illness must be treated immediately with medical interventions, like IV fluids and IV antibiotics.
You can find out more about mito on the website umdf.org
There is no cure for mitochondrial disease. The only treatments are treating symptoms that can be managed and taking the "mito cocktail". The cocktail is group of supplements that help the body improve function and may slow the progression of the disease. Jackson has recently started taking some of the supplements and we've some great improvements.
Some of the symptoms that Jackson deals with that are common in mito:
Developmental delays, autistic features, dysautonomia(temperature,blood pressure and blood sugars mostly), seizures, Weakness, cramping, dysmotility, hypotonia, muscle pain, diarrhea/constipation, fatigue, cyclic vomiting syndrome and other various symptoms.
Jackson is getting a stroller/wheelchair very soon. This is very common for children that have mito. It's mostly because of how quickly he fatigues and gets weak. Its also for his pain. Jackson's fatigue varies day to day. Some days he's able to walk and play then there's days that he needs help walking more then 10 yards. The stroller will allow him to do more on the days he's to weak to walk and also on the days that aren't too bad preserve his energy for more important things.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Our Halloween
Leading up to Halloween Jackson was pretty hesitant about all of it. We had talked about it quite a bit before hand and planning some things. Hoping this year would be better than last year. Last year was a horrible experience but we did learn what not to do. Jackson's school was doing a halloween costume parade and party. I knew he would want to dress up once he saw all the other kids in his class getting their costumes on. He really likes being with his friends. We came up with a lot of suggestions, took him to look at costumes but I told him it was up to him if he wanted to dress up or not. I wasn't going to force him. In the end he decided to wear the costume from last year(it was a little snug but still fit). I think it was because it was familiar since he's worn it several times over the past year and its been hanging in his closet. I sent it to school in his back pack unsure if he would wear it. I was a little late getting up there for the parade and missed most of it. But I was able to go to his class and be with him during the party. It was a lot of fun. Jackson was pretty cute and kept saying how much he loved me, asking me to sit right next to him, and for lots of hugs. Its fun getting to see him while he's at school.
Holidays(or any planned event for that matter) are a little different around here. With Jackson you never can count on how things will go. We've learned to just hope for the best. Saturday night was our wards(church) trunk or treat and chili cook off. It started at 6 so I tried really hard to make sure both boys had good naps that day. Jackson took about an hour nap around noon and Noah slept from 2-4. I thought we would be good. Just after getting in the car to go up to church Jackson fell asleep. We drove slow and made a little errand so he could sleep a little longer. Sometimes thats enough to get him through a hour or two outing. We got there a little late and everyone was mostly done eating. We hurried and got some food. Jackson was a complete zombie. Sitting in the chair with dark circles, unable to talk and make since. I figured it was the combination from still being tired and being overloaded sensory wise. Jackson does not handle loud things very well and it was extremely unnecessarily loud in there. Noah was very hungry so I hurried and fed him so that we could get Jackson out of there to make sure it wasn't more going on. With that look on his face sometimes you never whats going to come up. After we got outside Jackson did perk up a bit and Noah and him walked around doing the trunk or treat. Jackson was still a little groggy and had some trouble talking but he walked all by himself.
On Halloween we went up to my grandma's nursing home. They do a little trick or treat every year where all the residents come out front and let kids go through to get something from everyone. We got there a little early where sitting there talking with my mom and grandma. Within minutes Jackson was asleep on the chair and slept through the entire thing. Jackson fatigues so quickly everything going on was a bit much for him. I took Noah around and everyone loved him of course. After that we went back to my parents house for dinner and to hang out. Jackson and Noah mostly rested. They started getting a few trick or treaters and Jackson really loved giving out candy. He got excited to go out too. We took Noah and Jackson out to go do some real trick or treating around the neighborhood. We made sure to take the double stroller with us. We would push it right up to where you would have to walk up to the door and let the kids get out to walk up. They both loved it so much. We only went to maybe 10 houses but they loved every second of it and thought it was the best thing in the world. They where both pretty much done after that.
Monday morning came and Jackson was again zombie like. Dark circles, barely moving, to weak to walk down the stairs. I let him to stay home from school that day hoping that it would quickly pass again. It did. Within a few hours of resting on the couch he was back to playing. I hated that he missed school again. Its just so hard because any time we do anything extra it takes so much out of him. Overall though it was a great Halloween.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Pregnancy update
So, a few months ago Jackson and I where talking and he told me that he had a baby sister and that she needed to come right now. He told me her name and said he talked to her all the time. I told him that someday he might have a baby sister but right now he just as a little baby brother. A couple weeks later I found out I was pregnant. When I told Jackson that he was getting a new sibling he was like yeah I know I talk to her all the time, no big news. He talks about his baby sister all the time. Sometimes its just casual and asking how big the baby is now. He'll talk to my belly and tell the baby how excited he his. But sometimes he's still pretty serious about it. He talks about her like they've had a relationship for a long time. Like they've been talking to each other recently. Jackson likes looking at the picture of the baby from the ultrasound. He likes knowing how big the baby is and asks every few days.
Right now I'm 11 weeks and the baby is the size of a lime. Jackson really liked that. Last week I had another check up with the midwife. Everything was really good. I got to hear the heartbeat of the baby. So, now I've seen and heard the baby's heartbeat. Which makes me feel so much better and I'm a lot less nervous now. After having 2 miscarriages for weeks I really thought the same thing would happen again. I hated going to the bathroom. Now that there is a really good strong heartbeat that I've heard I know there's a baby doing good in there and I can breath a little easier. I really like my midwife a lot. She's a lot more in line with my way of thinking. I would love to have a homebirth with a really natural midwife but its just not possibility with me and my babies. So, I'll have to do a natural hospital birth with this midwife. She is all for natural delivery and a lot of the things I do and don't want during pregnancy. Since I'm still considered high risk I will see the perinatoligist for my 20 week check up and level 2 ultrasound(where we will be finding out if its for sure a girl or a boy and that will be right before Christmas so that will be fun). After that I'll go over his recommendations with my midwife on what we feel is a good course of action for the rest of the pregnancy( like any more ultrasounds, NST's and such)
I've been really sick with this pregnancy. It's been different for every one. With Jackson I had hyperemesis. I was throwing up constantly and needed a PICC line for daily IV fluids and medicine. It lasted the entire pregnancy. With Noah I was sick and had morning sickness stuff. I was constantly nauseous but was able to eat and function. This time its in between. I'm constantly feeling like I'm going to throw up 24/7. I can hardly eat or drink anything. Most food sounds horrible although I do get occasional craving that last a day or two. I've had to go in to get IV fluids because I was so dehydrated once. I'm hoping this ends soon. I don't want to go the entire pregnancy like this. I really hope before the holidays come. Although its probably a good thing for halloween that I still don't feel like eating anything.
Right now I'm 11 weeks and the baby is the size of a lime. Jackson really liked that. Last week I had another check up with the midwife. Everything was really good. I got to hear the heartbeat of the baby. So, now I've seen and heard the baby's heartbeat. Which makes me feel so much better and I'm a lot less nervous now. After having 2 miscarriages for weeks I really thought the same thing would happen again. I hated going to the bathroom. Now that there is a really good strong heartbeat that I've heard I know there's a baby doing good in there and I can breath a little easier. I really like my midwife a lot. She's a lot more in line with my way of thinking. I would love to have a homebirth with a really natural midwife but its just not possibility with me and my babies. So, I'll have to do a natural hospital birth with this midwife. She is all for natural delivery and a lot of the things I do and don't want during pregnancy. Since I'm still considered high risk I will see the perinatoligist for my 20 week check up and level 2 ultrasound(where we will be finding out if its for sure a girl or a boy and that will be right before Christmas so that will be fun). After that I'll go over his recommendations with my midwife on what we feel is a good course of action for the rest of the pregnancy( like any more ultrasounds, NST's and such)
I've been really sick with this pregnancy. It's been different for every one. With Jackson I had hyperemesis. I was throwing up constantly and needed a PICC line for daily IV fluids and medicine. It lasted the entire pregnancy. With Noah I was sick and had morning sickness stuff. I was constantly nauseous but was able to eat and function. This time its in between. I'm constantly feeling like I'm going to throw up 24/7. I can hardly eat or drink anything. Most food sounds horrible although I do get occasional craving that last a day or two. I've had to go in to get IV fluids because I was so dehydrated once. I'm hoping this ends soon. I don't want to go the entire pregnancy like this. I really hope before the holidays come. Although its probably a good thing for halloween that I still don't feel like eating anything.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Bittersweet
I knew this day would come I just didn't expect it to be this soon.
After Jackson was born he immediately had some problems from the beginning. His entire first year there was so much going on. In and out of the hospital we didn't really know where things where going. After he turned one and closer to 2 we knew that his life would be different and he was not simply going to "grow out of" the things he was going through. I knew that having another child would be difficult but I felt very strongly that Jackson needed a sibling. He needed that relationship. He needed someone to be there for him in ways that I wouldn't be able to. That was one of the many reasons why we had Noah. Ever since Noah was born I've felt a very different relationship with him compared to Jackson. Noah and adores his big brother. Wants to do everything his big brother does. Jackson loves his little brother. (most of the time,except when he's stealing trains). They have a very special bond and its very clear to see it. I knew there would come a day that Noah would pass Jackson up and in a way become the big brother. I figured it would be a few more years and Noah would cognitively pass him. But in a way in happened today. This afternoon we went for a short walk up the street. We don't go for walks very often because Jackson fatigues so quickly he can't walk very far before needing to be carried. Between the 2 of them I can't carry both of them. Today they both where running around outside enjoying the fall crisp air we decided to walk for a little bit. Jackson running as fast as his tall 4 year legs would carry him and Noah running as fast as his little 20 month legs would carry him we all ran up the street. Most of the way of the street the where side by side, giggling the entire way up. Best friends. But as we got closer to the top Noah was still going and Jackson was slowing. I could see the pain and frustration in Jackson's eyes. His little body failing him. How desperately he wanted to run more, to get to the top of the hill, to be with his best friend. But he couldn't. His body giving out and not allowing him what his little heart longed for. Within seconds of passing Jackson Noah realized he was passed his brother and turned towards him. He slowed down and waited for his brother. For the last few feet to top of the hill the walked together. Jackson collapsing at the top and crying to be carried home. Noah wanting to run and play more. It had happened. At 20 months old Noah can do more then his brother physically, can fun faster, can go farther. At 4 Jackson realized this today. It hurt him. But his brother was there. He waited for him and they where best friends walking to the end. Just how imagined it when Noah was born. It was bittersweet to see Noah running faster then his little legs could carry him but also passing his brother was heart wrenching. I know there will come more and more times where Noah will pass Jackson. This will be the first of many. I just hope and pray that they will be always be there for each other like they where today. Finishing hand in hand as a best friends.
After Jackson was born he immediately had some problems from the beginning. His entire first year there was so much going on. In and out of the hospital we didn't really know where things where going. After he turned one and closer to 2 we knew that his life would be different and he was not simply going to "grow out of" the things he was going through. I knew that having another child would be difficult but I felt very strongly that Jackson needed a sibling. He needed that relationship. He needed someone to be there for him in ways that I wouldn't be able to. That was one of the many reasons why we had Noah. Ever since Noah was born I've felt a very different relationship with him compared to Jackson. Noah and adores his big brother. Wants to do everything his big brother does. Jackson loves his little brother. (most of the time,except when he's stealing trains). They have a very special bond and its very clear to see it. I knew there would come a day that Noah would pass Jackson up and in a way become the big brother. I figured it would be a few more years and Noah would cognitively pass him. But in a way in happened today. This afternoon we went for a short walk up the street. We don't go for walks very often because Jackson fatigues so quickly he can't walk very far before needing to be carried. Between the 2 of them I can't carry both of them. Today they both where running around outside enjoying the fall crisp air we decided to walk for a little bit. Jackson running as fast as his tall 4 year legs would carry him and Noah running as fast as his little 20 month legs would carry him we all ran up the street. Most of the way of the street the where side by side, giggling the entire way up. Best friends. But as we got closer to the top Noah was still going and Jackson was slowing. I could see the pain and frustration in Jackson's eyes. His little body failing him. How desperately he wanted to run more, to get to the top of the hill, to be with his best friend. But he couldn't. His body giving out and not allowing him what his little heart longed for. Within seconds of passing Jackson Noah realized he was passed his brother and turned towards him. He slowed down and waited for his brother. For the last few feet to top of the hill the walked together. Jackson collapsing at the top and crying to be carried home. Noah wanting to run and play more. It had happened. At 20 months old Noah can do more then his brother physically, can fun faster, can go farther. At 4 Jackson realized this today. It hurt him. But his brother was there. He waited for him and they where best friends walking to the end. Just how imagined it when Noah was born. It was bittersweet to see Noah running faster then his little legs could carry him but also passing his brother was heart wrenching. I know there will come more and more times where Noah will pass Jackson. This will be the first of many. I just hope and pray that they will be always be there for each other like they where today. Finishing hand in hand as a best friends.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Jackson spilled the beans
We have a secret!!
Big Brothers in mid May!!!!
I had to share another photo. This is Noah's face now any time we take a picture.I was putting Jackson on the bus this morning and his aide said "congrats, I hear your expecting!"
What? Jackson had told them yesterday on the bus so I guess its out now.
What? Jackson had told them yesterday on the bus so I guess its out now.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Our Trip
We took a trip out to Utah for my BIL Matt's wedding. We had a great time.
First day we drove to Colorado and stayed at Michael's moms house. We spent about 12 hours in the car. We stopped in the middle of kansas at a rest stop to have a picnic lunch and let the kids run around. Despite being in the car for so many hours the kids did really good. I was really worried about how the kids would do in the car. I even thought about buying a dvd player for the car(which normally I wouldn't do). But I loaded up a box of books, crayons, small toys, and favorite stuffed animals and put in between their seats. We brought tons of favorite snacks and all of the kids music.
The second day we drove from Colorado to Utah. The kids did ok in the car. It was less hours in the car but I don't think we timed the rest stops as well. We got to Utah and stayed with Michael's aunt for a couple of nights. The boys got to play with their cousins Brenden and Malcolm. They got along really well. Too bad we don't live closer to them still.
Then Friday night we upto Layton/Bountiful area for the wedding. Friday and Saturday nights we stayed in hotel. Jackson loved getting to swim the hotel pool. The first night it took him awhile to be ok with the water,he's still scared for an incident earlier this summer. But thanks to Aunt Nicole, who swims at BYU-I and his lifeguard, got him out in the water and having fun.
Saturday morning was the wedding at the Bountiful temple. Here is the happy couple coming out after the wonderful sealing.
Jackson and Noah waited outside the temple. They looked so handsome dressed up. We didn't get a great picture of them together but they really looked cute.
The wedding reception was the later that day. It was a beautiful reception that was outside. It was incredibly hot that day and I was worried about Jackson over heating so we let him wear shorts to the reception. The boys loved dancing around to the music and playing with cousin Brenden.
We had another fun night playing in the hotel that night.
Sunday we drove down to Salt Lake and stopped at temple square. We didn't have a lot of time but we walked around outside the temple and went in the visitors center to look at the Cristus statue.
After that we drove back down to provo and stopped by to visit our friends Derrick and Stephanie. They where our best friends when we lived in Provo. It was great see them again. It didn't take Jackson any time at all to start playing with them and running all over the house.
After leaving Provo we drove back to colorado and got there about 1 in the morning. The next morning we got up and spent some more time visiting and saying goodbye to family. Then we got on the road to head back to Missouri. This last drive was the worst day of driving out of the 4 days we spent driving. One kid would sleep 30 minutes, while the other was upset, then the other would fall asleep and one wake up and start screaming. Then after a couple hours they both went to pretty much crying the rest of the way home. We had to stop a lot at random places because they where crying so much. During a stretch in Kansas in the middle of no where Noah was screaming. There was no where to pull over at all. I had a thought to sing primary songs to the boys and then we sang their songs we sing at night. After like 45 minutes of singing they both fell asleep. Although it was rough we made it home in the middle the night. Poor Jackson had to get up the next morning for his first day of school. Not the best way to start the school year but it all worked out.
Other highlights of our trip. Getting to visit with lots of family, aunts, grandparents, cousins. Eating at bajio, cafe rio, and fudruckers. (Why do we have no good food places in Missouri, seriously!) We also had lots of good food prepared by wonderful family. Stopping at the BYU campus and going to the bookstore. I wanted to get Jackson a souvenir from our Utah trip so we got him his first scripture case that has a BYU logo on it. Now he can take his own Book of Mormon to church on Sundays. Noah got a little BYU basketball on it. Noah still absolutely loves any ball. Watching Jackson see and learn lots of knew things. In Kansas there is lots of oil rigs pumping. Jackson loved watching them and learning about oil. It was pretty funny too. There was some that weren't pumping and Jackson said they where sick and needed some medicine so they could pump again for its friends. There where also lots of wind turbines spinning. Jackson learned about the turbines making energy. On our drive from colorado to Utah Jackson got see mountains( he doesn't remember living in Utah and seeing them before) His favorite part was driving through the tunnels and getting to go through the mountains. We probably listened to the polar express soundtrack over 30 times. Jackson now asks to stop at rest stops so he can "rest" because he's tired but he really just wants to run around and play. Over all it was a great trip and the boys had so much fun.
First day we drove to Colorado and stayed at Michael's moms house. We spent about 12 hours in the car. We stopped in the middle of kansas at a rest stop to have a picnic lunch and let the kids run around. Despite being in the car for so many hours the kids did really good. I was really worried about how the kids would do in the car. I even thought about buying a dvd player for the car(which normally I wouldn't do). But I loaded up a box of books, crayons, small toys, and favorite stuffed animals and put in between their seats. We brought tons of favorite snacks and all of the kids music.
The second day we drove from Colorado to Utah. The kids did ok in the car. It was less hours in the car but I don't think we timed the rest stops as well. We got to Utah and stayed with Michael's aunt for a couple of nights. The boys got to play with their cousins Brenden and Malcolm. They got along really well. Too bad we don't live closer to them still.
Then Friday night we upto Layton/Bountiful area for the wedding. Friday and Saturday nights we stayed in hotel. Jackson loved getting to swim the hotel pool. The first night it took him awhile to be ok with the water,he's still scared for an incident earlier this summer. But thanks to Aunt Nicole, who swims at BYU-I and his lifeguard, got him out in the water and having fun.
Saturday morning was the wedding at the Bountiful temple. Here is the happy couple coming out after the wonderful sealing.
Jackson and Noah waited outside the temple. They looked so handsome dressed up. We didn't get a great picture of them together but they really looked cute.
The wedding reception was the later that day. It was a beautiful reception that was outside. It was incredibly hot that day and I was worried about Jackson over heating so we let him wear shorts to the reception. The boys loved dancing around to the music and playing with cousin Brenden.
We had another fun night playing in the hotel that night.
Sunday we drove down to Salt Lake and stopped at temple square. We didn't have a lot of time but we walked around outside the temple and went in the visitors center to look at the Cristus statue.
After that we drove back down to provo and stopped by to visit our friends Derrick and Stephanie. They where our best friends when we lived in Provo. It was great see them again. It didn't take Jackson any time at all to start playing with them and running all over the house.
After leaving Provo we drove back to colorado and got there about 1 in the morning. The next morning we got up and spent some more time visiting and saying goodbye to family. Then we got on the road to head back to Missouri. This last drive was the worst day of driving out of the 4 days we spent driving. One kid would sleep 30 minutes, while the other was upset, then the other would fall asleep and one wake up and start screaming. Then after a couple hours they both went to pretty much crying the rest of the way home. We had to stop a lot at random places because they where crying so much. During a stretch in Kansas in the middle of no where Noah was screaming. There was no where to pull over at all. I had a thought to sing primary songs to the boys and then we sang their songs we sing at night. After like 45 minutes of singing they both fell asleep. Although it was rough we made it home in the middle the night. Poor Jackson had to get up the next morning for his first day of school. Not the best way to start the school year but it all worked out.
Other highlights of our trip. Getting to visit with lots of family, aunts, grandparents, cousins. Eating at bajio, cafe rio, and fudruckers. (Why do we have no good food places in Missouri, seriously!) We also had lots of good food prepared by wonderful family. Stopping at the BYU campus and going to the bookstore. I wanted to get Jackson a souvenir from our Utah trip so we got him his first scripture case that has a BYU logo on it. Now he can take his own Book of Mormon to church on Sundays. Noah got a little BYU basketball on it. Noah still absolutely loves any ball. Watching Jackson see and learn lots of knew things. In Kansas there is lots of oil rigs pumping. Jackson loved watching them and learning about oil. It was pretty funny too. There was some that weren't pumping and Jackson said they where sick and needed some medicine so they could pump again for its friends. There where also lots of wind turbines spinning. Jackson learned about the turbines making energy. On our drive from colorado to Utah Jackson got see mountains( he doesn't remember living in Utah and seeing them before) His favorite part was driving through the tunnels and getting to go through the mountains. We probably listened to the polar express soundtrack over 30 times. Jackson now asks to stop at rest stops so he can "rest" because he's tired but he really just wants to run around and play. Over all it was a great trip and the boys had so much fun.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Extended Breastfeeding
It's World Breastfeeding Week and so I chose to do some post this week devoted to breastfeeding. This first one I've wanted to write for awhile because its the most relevant to me right now.
This picture isn't the greatest of me. But its real. If you came over at nap time this is what you would find. Jackson and Noah just finished nursing together and had fallen asleep.
One thing that always seems to be a big deal with people is extended breastfeeding. A lot of people are really surprised to hear that I'm still nursing a 4 year old(yes, a 4 year old). A lot of people have a hard time with this including some close family and friends. I think its a little easier for them to except it being that my son has special needs but yet it still bothers them. So I 've been wanting to share my experience in hopes of that there will be more understanding of me and other woman who choose extended breastfeeding.
I didn't set out to be nursing a preschooler. I even once was of those who believed that once a baby was old enough to ask for it they shouldn't be nursing. I don't even know why as a teenager I would think this or have any idea that I knew what I was talking about. But after the birth of my first baby my goal was to be make to a year. At that time that what everyone was saying was best. My journey of that first year of nursing was full of lots of ups and downs. But mostly it was the most wonderful thing. A year came and went and it didn't even occur to me to wean him. Why after we had worked so hard to get things to be good. Why stop when he was so very much still a baby. I didn't even have idea then how long I would nurse I was just going with the flow of things. During that next year my son and more and more health problems and was considered at one point failure to thrive because of losing weight due to his health problems. Breastfeeding was the only way he was able to continue getting anything and kept him going. We continued right along with breastfeeding on demand. When my older son was 2 years old I found out I was expecting again. During the pregnancy I did encourage him to nurse less often for my own sake. Towards the end of the pregnancy I did have drop in supply and my milk changed to colostrum. He cut back to nursing only once or twice a day. After I had the baby I continued to nurse both of them. It took me a few days to get used to nursing a newborn and only nursed them one at a time. After those initial first days I was able to nurse them together. Jackson really enjoyed this time bonding with his new brother. Jackson will rub his brothers head, sometimes they hold hands, and sometimes they kick each other. If Noah is ever nursing, Jackson comes up and simply says “share” and he wants to “share mommy milk”. Its a special time for all of us. I've been tandem nursing both of them for 18 months now. Over time I've learned more about the importance of breastfeeding and child-led weaning. I plan on letting Jackson nurse as long as he desires. That maybe next week or it still may be awhile. Right now he is still nursing a lot, some days its only 2 or 3. Others it's 6 or 7. Jackson still very much needs it. He has trouble with his blood sugars and nursing is sure way of getting his sugars up. Also Jackson has a lot of sensory issues and nursing helps calm him down and deal with what his body is going through. Jackson maybe needs it more so then other children is age. I've continued to breastfeed him because I realized the importance of it for him! I didn't plan on breastfeeding a preschooler but somehow my little newborn became a toddler and now is growing preschooler. After 4 years of nursing Jackson I changed. I've leaned more. I don't think I'll do anything different with Noah. I also plan on letting him wean himself, whenever that will be. He's 18 months right now and nurses anywhere from 4-8 times a day. It depends on when both of them nurse if they nurse together or not. Usually at least once a day they will together and sometimes its every time. So, some days I nurse 8 times a day and sometimes up to 15 or even 20 if its a rough day. Yeah, it's a lot and can be frustrating. But I wouldn't change a thing.
Why I believe in nursing past a 1 year and child led weaning.
brain myelination is not complete until age 2 The high fat content of human milk greatly helps this process. Improper myelination means slower brain function.
Young children are at the peak of getting sick. Their exploring their worlds and always putting things in their mouths. Breastmilk has antibodies and helps boost their immune system.
Breastmilk contains Alpha-lactalbumin which causes fast growing cells, like cancer cells, to self destruct. The more of these maybe less likely of childhood cancers.
Breast milk contains stem cells!
The book Breastfeeding: Biocultural Perspectives contains a wonderful section called “A Time to Wean: The Hominid Blueprint for a Natural Age of Weaning in Modern Human Populations.” by Katherine A. Dettwyler, Ph.D. Dr. Dettwyler is an award winning anthropologist, professor, and breastfed her daughter until she was 4 years old. In the section Dettwyler compares various primates, including humans, to find what the biological norm would be for humans. She found that the natural age for modern humans based on our size, development, and life span is between 2.5 years and 7 years. A child still nursing at 4 years old is normal, natural, and OK.
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that "Breastfeeding should be continued for at least the first year of life and beyond for as long as mutually desired by mother and child... Increased duration of breastfeeding confers significant health and developmental benefits for the child and the mother... There is no upper limit to the duration of breastfeeding and no evidence of psychologic or developmental harm from breastfeeding into the third year of life or longer." (AAP 2005)
The American Academy of Family Physicians recommends that breastfeeding continue throughout the first year of life and that "As recommended by the WHO, breastfeeding should ideally continue beyond infancy, but this is not the cultural norm in the United States and requires ongoing support and encouragement. It has been estimated that a natural weaning age for humans is between two and seven years. Family physicians should be knowledgeable regarding the ongoing benefits to the child of extended breastfeeding, including continued immune protection, better social adjustment, and having a sustainable food source in times of emergency. The longer women breastfeed, the greater the decrease in their risk of breast cancer." They also note that "If the child is younger than two years of age, the child is at increased risk of illness if weaned." (AAFP 2008)
The World Health Organization recommends “infants should be exclusively breastfed(1) for the first six months of life to achieve optimal growth, development and health(2). Thereafter, to meet their evolving nutritional requirements, infants should receive nutritionally adequate and safe complementary foods while breastfeeding continues for up to two years of age or beyond.“
"Breast milk continues to provide substantial amounts of key nutrients well beyond the first year of life, especially protein, fat, and most vitamins."
-- Dewey 2001
In the second year (12-23 months), 448 mL of breastmilk provides:
29% of energy requirements
43% of protein requirements
36% of calcium requirements
75% of vitamin A requirements
76% of folate requirements
94% of vitamin B12 requirements
60% of vitamin C requirements
-- Dewey 2001
The longer a woman breastfeeds she greatly reduces her chances of getting breast, ovarian, uterine, and endometrial cancers.
This picture isn't the greatest of me. But its real. If you came over at nap time this is what you would find. Jackson and Noah just finished nursing together and had fallen asleep.
One thing that always seems to be a big deal with people is extended breastfeeding. A lot of people are really surprised to hear that I'm still nursing a 4 year old(yes, a 4 year old). A lot of people have a hard time with this including some close family and friends. I think its a little easier for them to except it being that my son has special needs but yet it still bothers them. So I 've been wanting to share my experience in hopes of that there will be more understanding of me and other woman who choose extended breastfeeding.
I didn't set out to be nursing a preschooler. I even once was of those who believed that once a baby was old enough to ask for it they shouldn't be nursing. I don't even know why as a teenager I would think this or have any idea that I knew what I was talking about. But after the birth of my first baby my goal was to be make to a year. At that time that what everyone was saying was best. My journey of that first year of nursing was full of lots of ups and downs. But mostly it was the most wonderful thing. A year came and went and it didn't even occur to me to wean him. Why after we had worked so hard to get things to be good. Why stop when he was so very much still a baby. I didn't even have idea then how long I would nurse I was just going with the flow of things. During that next year my son and more and more health problems and was considered at one point failure to thrive because of losing weight due to his health problems. Breastfeeding was the only way he was able to continue getting anything and kept him going. We continued right along with breastfeeding on demand. When my older son was 2 years old I found out I was expecting again. During the pregnancy I did encourage him to nurse less often for my own sake. Towards the end of the pregnancy I did have drop in supply and my milk changed to colostrum. He cut back to nursing only once or twice a day. After I had the baby I continued to nurse both of them. It took me a few days to get used to nursing a newborn and only nursed them one at a time. After those initial first days I was able to nurse them together. Jackson really enjoyed this time bonding with his new brother. Jackson will rub his brothers head, sometimes they hold hands, and sometimes they kick each other. If Noah is ever nursing, Jackson comes up and simply says “share” and he wants to “share mommy milk”. Its a special time for all of us. I've been tandem nursing both of them for 18 months now. Over time I've learned more about the importance of breastfeeding and child-led weaning. I plan on letting Jackson nurse as long as he desires. That maybe next week or it still may be awhile. Right now he is still nursing a lot, some days its only 2 or 3. Others it's 6 or 7. Jackson still very much needs it. He has trouble with his blood sugars and nursing is sure way of getting his sugars up. Also Jackson has a lot of sensory issues and nursing helps calm him down and deal with what his body is going through. Jackson maybe needs it more so then other children is age. I've continued to breastfeed him because I realized the importance of it for him! I didn't plan on breastfeeding a preschooler but somehow my little newborn became a toddler and now is growing preschooler. After 4 years of nursing Jackson I changed. I've leaned more. I don't think I'll do anything different with Noah. I also plan on letting him wean himself, whenever that will be. He's 18 months right now and nurses anywhere from 4-8 times a day. It depends on when both of them nurse if they nurse together or not. Usually at least once a day they will together and sometimes its every time. So, some days I nurse 8 times a day and sometimes up to 15 or even 20 if its a rough day. Yeah, it's a lot and can be frustrating. But I wouldn't change a thing.
Why I believe in nursing past a 1 year and child led weaning.
brain myelination is not complete until age 2 The high fat content of human milk greatly helps this process. Improper myelination means slower brain function.
Young children are at the peak of getting sick. Their exploring their worlds and always putting things in their mouths. Breastmilk has antibodies and helps boost their immune system.
Breastmilk contains Alpha-lactalbumin which causes fast growing cells, like cancer cells, to self destruct. The more of these maybe less likely of childhood cancers.
Breast milk contains stem cells!
The book Breastfeeding: Biocultural Perspectives contains a wonderful section called “A Time to Wean: The Hominid Blueprint for a Natural Age of Weaning in Modern Human Populations.” by Katherine A. Dettwyler, Ph.D. Dr. Dettwyler is an award winning anthropologist, professor, and breastfed her daughter until she was 4 years old. In the section Dettwyler compares various primates, including humans, to find what the biological norm would be for humans. She found that the natural age for modern humans based on our size, development, and life span is between 2.5 years and 7 years. A child still nursing at 4 years old is normal, natural, and OK.
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that "Breastfeeding should be continued for at least the first year of life and beyond for as long as mutually desired by mother and child... Increased duration of breastfeeding confers significant health and developmental benefits for the child and the mother... There is no upper limit to the duration of breastfeeding and no evidence of psychologic or developmental harm from breastfeeding into the third year of life or longer." (AAP 2005)
The American Academy of Family Physicians recommends that breastfeeding continue throughout the first year of life and that "As recommended by the WHO, breastfeeding should ideally continue beyond infancy, but this is not the cultural norm in the United States and requires ongoing support and encouragement. It has been estimated that a natural weaning age for humans is between two and seven years. Family physicians should be knowledgeable regarding the ongoing benefits to the child of extended breastfeeding, including continued immune protection, better social adjustment, and having a sustainable food source in times of emergency. The longer women breastfeed, the greater the decrease in their risk of breast cancer." They also note that "If the child is younger than two years of age, the child is at increased risk of illness if weaned." (AAFP 2008)
The World Health Organization recommends “infants should be exclusively breastfed(1) for the first six months of life to achieve optimal growth, development and health(2). Thereafter, to meet their evolving nutritional requirements, infants should receive nutritionally adequate and safe complementary foods while breastfeeding continues for up to two years of age or beyond.“
"Breast milk continues to provide substantial amounts of key nutrients well beyond the first year of life, especially protein, fat, and most vitamins."
-- Dewey 2001
In the second year (12-23 months), 448 mL of breastmilk provides:
29% of energy requirements
43% of protein requirements
36% of calcium requirements
75% of vitamin A requirements
76% of folate requirements
94% of vitamin B12 requirements
60% of vitamin C requirements
-- Dewey 2001
The longer a woman breastfeeds she greatly reduces her chances of getting breast, ovarian, uterine, and endometrial cancers.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Jackson in a cycle
It started again today. "That look" Jackson has, has taken over and stolen everything that I know to be my little boy. The light in his eyes his gone. This vicious cycle has started. Jackson stopped eating. He's regressing. Loosing skills he fought so hard for. My little boy is not my little boy. He's confused and no longer able to communicate. Its hard to describe watching him in these days. He's too weak to do anything. Words he's able to make are stuttered. Its like I'm at the top of the mountain with him. He stumbles and starts to slide. I reach for his hand to hold on. Day by day we loose our grip and he slips more and more out of my hand. I feel him slipping and there's nothing I can do to hold onto him. I know whats coming. Then I hear it. The awful whimper before it all gets worse. His face goes pale, his jaw trembling, the trickle down his chin. The vomiting takes over. His body now limp as I carry him to the couch. I make a bed for him surrounded by towels, buckets and monkey. The vomiting continues. Soon, he is too weak to even hold himself up. I hold him on his side to let it run from his mouth. His body now trembling and his temperature dropping. I check to see where he's at and just like that his temperature is 92. I hold him close to me to warm him up. Knowing more vomiting is soon to come and I have to get his temperature up before it does. There is nothing I can do but keep is body stable while whatever it is takes over. All I can do now is rock him, hold him, sing to him and pray that soon I will see the light in his eyes again. The tears run down my face and all I want to do is rip my heart out so I don't have to feel it ache anymore. The vomiting continues over and over again. He's to the point of only retching. His body shaking uncontrollably. The pain is almost too much for him to take. Then again he goes limp. He is able to have some relief from the pain and sleep. This is the way it will be for days. He will sleep and throw up. There will be moments in there he will be awake and trying to talk. Just to remind me he is gone. It is still not my Jackson. He will talk but not make any sense. Sometimes a little glimmer of hope as meaningful words come out. "mommy, snuggle me closer" I hold him closer. The tears sting my eyes yet again. Somewhere deep inside is my bright eyed little boy struggling to come back to me. I stare at his face trying to memorize every little freckle. I wonder where he goes and how much he is aware of whats happening to him. Praying he's not in a lot of pain. The petechiae(tiny bruises from his bleeding issues) have come and will soon out number the freckles on his face. The vomiting has stopped now. He is finally able to really sleep. Hours later he wakes up and slowly opens his eyes to look for me. I see him. Its my Jackson! He's come back to me. Whatever took over his body is now gone. The animation in my son has returned. Happy tears that he's returned from the dark place. But then we wait. Wait to see what all he lost. This time its motor skills. He can longer walk up and down stairs. He has to relearn. Rebuild all those muscles. He is 4 and relearning to go up stairs. This cycle lasted 6 weeks. His longest yet. He missed most of the summer. We had so many plans to head to the pool, the park, the zoo. Instead we spent days and days on the couch. Now that the cycle is over emotions try to take over. I'm overjoyed that I look at my son and he is there. The light in his beautiful eyes shines at me. He whispers sweet "I love yous". Underneath I'm still sad at what we missed. At what he missed. I try to focus on the moment. Making the most of the next few weeks of summer. Playing with the boys as much as possible. Making myself not worry about when the next cycle will start and cherish the good times we have. For now life is good!
The pictures go through the start of a cycle to when the vomiting starts. These cycles Jackson has had ever since birth. Sometimes we have months in between sometimes only days. Some are worse then others and include different symptoms. A lot of the times they include seizures too. This last one he no seizures but was his longest one.
The pictures go through the start of a cycle to when the vomiting starts. These cycles Jackson has had ever since birth. Sometimes we have months in between sometimes only days. Some are worse then others and include different symptoms. A lot of the times they include seizures too. This last one he no seizures but was his longest one.
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